Wigeze wumva usubiramo ijambo umuntu mukunda gukoresha, ukisanga ukoresha uburyo bwe bwo kuvuga, cyangwa ugatangira kugira utuntu tumwe na tumwe tw’imyitwarire ye utabiteguye?

Birashoboka ko wigeze no kubibwirwa n’undi muntu ati: “Uri kuvuga nka kanaka!”

Igitangaje ni uko akenshi uba utabikoze ubishaka.

Iyo abantu bamaranye igihe, cyane cyane iyo bakundana, ari inshuti magara, babana cyangwa bakorana buri munsi, bashobora gutangira kugira ibintu bimwe bahuriyeho mu mvugo no mu myitwarire. Hari n’ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko ibi bishobora kubaho umuntu atabizi.

Ubwonko bwacu bukunda kwigana ibyo tubona

Mu 1999, abashakashatsi Tanya Chartrand na John Bargh bakoze ubushakashatsi ku kintu bise “chameleon effect”, bisobanura ko umuntu ashobora kwigana atabizi imyitwarire y’uwo bari kumwe.

Mu bushakashatsi bwabo, abantu bakoze imirimo bari kumwe n’abandi bantu, maze bigaragara ko hari imyitwarire yabo yatangiraga guhuza n’iy’abo bari kumwe, nubwo nta muntu wari wababwiye kubikora.

Ibi ntibireba gusa uko umuntu yicara cyangwa agenda.

Bishobora no kugaragara mu mimvugo, ibimenyetso byo mu maso, uburyo bwo kuvuga ndetse n’utundi tuntu dukora buri munsi.

Ni yo mpamvu ushobora gutangira gukoresha amagambo y’inshuti yawe

Tekereza umuntu mumarana umwanya munini.

Ashobora kugira ijambo runaka akunda gukoresha. Mbere ushobora kuba utarigeze urikoresha, ariko nyuma y’igihe ukisanga nawe urikoresha.

Cyangwa akagira uburyo runaka bwo gusubiza abantu, nawe ugatangira kubukoresha.

Ntabwo bivuze ko wicaye ngo wige uko avuga.

Ubwonko bwawe buba bwaramenyereye iyo mvugo kubera kuyumva kenshi.

Ubushakashatsi ku byo bita Communication Accommodation Theory na bwo bugaragaza ko abantu bashobora guhindura uburyo bavugamo kugira ngo barusheho kwegerana n’uwo bari kuvugana. Ibi bishobora kugaragara mu magambo bakoresha, umuvuduko wo kuvuga, imvugo n’ibindi biranga itumanaho.

Ariko kuki bitubaho cyane ku bantu bamwe?

Aha ni ho ibintu birushaho gushimisha.

Ntabwo umuntu yigana buri muntu wese ahuye na we.

Akenshi bigaragara cyane ku muntu mumarana igihe, uwo mwumva mwisanzuyeho cyangwa uwo ufata nk’umuntu wa hafi.

Hari n’ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko abantu bakunda guhuza imyitwarire yabo n’abandi mu buryo butabizi, kandi ko ibi bishobora gufasha imikoranire kurushaho kuba myiza no kongera kumva umuntu akwegereye.

Ni yo mpamvu ushobora kubona inshuti ebyiri zimaze igihe kirekire hamwe zisa mu buryo zitavuga gusa, ahubwo no mu tuntu duto two mu myitwarire.

None se iyo utangiye kugira character z’umuntu bisobanura iki?

Ntabwo bihita bivuga ko watakaje personality yawe cyangwa ko uri kwigana uwo muntu.

Akenshi ni uburyo busanzwe abantu bahinduramo utuntu duke bitewe n’abo babana na bo.

Ushobora gutangira gukunda indirimbo kubera inshuti yawe, gukoresha amagambo runaka kubera ko uyumva kenshi, cyangwa ndetse ukagira uburyo bushya bwo gusetsa kubera abantu mumarana igihe.

Hari n’ikindi gitangaje: rimwe na rimwe ibyo uba watangiye gukora uba utabizi kugeza igihe undi muntu akubwiye.

“Kuva wabana na kanaka warahindutse.”

Ugasubiza uti: “Njye? Nahindutse nte?”

Nyamara iyo usubije amaso inyuma, ugasanga koko hari utuntu twinshi watangiye gukora nyuma yo kumarana igihe n’uwo muntu.

Kandi bishobora no kujya mu kindi cyerekezo

Si buri gihe umuntu aba ari kwigana uwo bari kumwe.

Hari n’igihe abantu bakora ibinyuranye n’iby’uwo muntu kugira ngo bagaragaze ko batandukanye na we. Abashakashatsi mu by’itumanaho babita convergence no divergence—kwegera ku myitwarire y’undi cyangwa kuyitandukanyaho.

Urugero, niba inshuti zawe zose zikoresha uburyo runaka bwo kuvuga, ushobora kubyigana utabizi. Ariko niba utumva neza uwo muntu cyangwa udashaka kumwegera, ushobora ahubwo gukomeza gukoresha uburyo bwawe.

Ni yo mpamvu abantu bavuga ngo “mubana cyane, murasa”

Iyo abantu bamaze igihe kinini bari kumwe, ntabwo ari ngombwa ko basa mu maso kugira ngo abantu babone ko bahuriyeho.

Bashobora kuba bafite amagambo amwe bakunda gukoresha, uburyo bumwe bwo gusetsa, uburyo bwo gusubiza abantu, cyangwa n’imyitwarire isa.

Ibi ni bimwe mu bituma imibanire y’abantu igira uruhare mu kubaka utuntu duto tugize personality yacu.

Kandi ahari igitangaje kurusha ibindi ni iki:

Umuntu ushobora kuba atangiye kugira utuntu tumwe tw’imyitwarire yawe, nawe ushobora kuba utangiye kugira utwo uwe.

Ni ukuvuga ko atari wowe wenyine uba uhinduka.

Mwembi mushobora kuba mutangiye gutwarana utuntu—buri umwe akagira icyo atwara kuri mugenzi we.

Niyo mpamvu rimwe na rimwe iyo inshuti zimaze igihe zitabonana, iyo zongeye guhura ushobora kubona ko hari ibintu byinshi zishimira kugarura mu biganiro byazo, nubwo buri umwe aba yarakomeje ubuzima bwe.

Mu yandi magambo, abantu tubana na bo ntibahora baduhindurira ubuzima mu bintu binini.Rimwe na rimwe badusigira utuntu duto cyane—ijambo, uburyo bwo kuvuga, akamenyero cyangwa imyitwarire—ku buryo tutamenya n’igihe byinjiye muri twe.